my defense

Over the past few weeks or so, I've been told a couple of times that I'm quite defensive.

Okay, very defensive.

I always have a reason to justify myself in many situations, even if there wasn't any accusation being made. I also have this thing about having the last say, whether or not I'm in the wrong. This, I suppose, is how my brain was conditioned after living with three siblings and playing the blame game for so many years. Probably the way my parents react to problems with us also had some part to play in my now second-nature defense system. They aren't always very calm, if you get my drift.

In any case, no point talking about how I ended up like this. Problem is, I think this might have gotten out of hand. (Finally?) I reckon it's quite hostle of me. I bet there are people out there who have been put off by these unfriendly retorts. Well, I'd have to apologise. I often I don't realize I'm doing it, because I just react to the situation. I've become quite attuned to finding twists in arguments, or finding something wrong with it - fairly quickly too. Quite conversely, I cannot build an argument from scratch well, which would explain my poor essay writing skills. I'm only good for breaking down arguments and rebutting, which renders this defensive nature of mine almost useless because it hardly helps me in any way except protecting my pride.


I suppose this also goes back to what I was confronted about last year too - I should be more conscious of how I present myself, and how others might see me. I haven't quite figured that out actually, because it's so much easier said than done.

Well, at least you know I'm now not so proud to be swiping back at you all the time. So once again, I'm sorry.