I have lived a life of
half-sentences and
unspoken thought but
even as I speak
please, despise me not.
For I have a passion stashed
deep in my heart for
things much grander than
things seen in part.
You see - I'm in love
with a woman named
Life, who
swept me off my feet and
vowed to be my wife.
She blew me to the
stars, so I
twinkle at my toes, because
she is the Beauty
only my eye knows.
She kisses me now at
my blushing cheek as
we dance moonlights
by the shadowed creek...
We twirl into the
darkness - then
alas! she is but
none. I had only
moved air. There
was no beauty, for
she was Never. All
that should be seen
was the starless
night. The cold sky
had eaten into my
head. I had not
moved an inch from
the dirt o'which I
stand, and my
skin not tasted
real touch. I had
fooled myself - yes, I
had been a fool.
My fingers feel for
my lips. Reality:
Life was not; I had
loved none. Truth,
there was no love,
no life and no hope.
Saturday, May 31
i must dream.
4 comments:
such despair! :(
alfie.
I'll get the ball rolling first, then!
Hmmm. The internal rhyme breaks down in the last verse paragraph, emphasising the shattering of your illusions, as chaos and confusion ensues.
The beginning of the poem mentioned that you have "lived a life of half-sentences and unspoken thought". Aside from the obvious irony that you are currently verbalising your unspoken thoughts, the conclusive ending about what life lacks (truth, love, hope) parallels the introduction, leaving no questions unanswered. The anaphoric phrasing of "no love, no life and no hope" creates an air of finality that echoes resoundingly in the reader, in addition to the absolute terms used like the capitalised "Never" and "none".
Pertinent night imagery could have been a suitable backdrop to the destruction of your dreams: all it takes is the blotting out of the seemingly insignificant light from the stars and moon (as opposed to the glaringly bright sun) and the world reverts to darkness. Perhaps it reflects the vulnerability and fragility of your dreams?
That's all I can come up with for now... Don't judge me!
The disjointed sentences are used to a great effect here to emphasize the confusion felt by the personna.
It leaves the sentence hanging as if he is uncertain of what he is experiencing.
This poem has a nihilistic flavour. As of the woman named "life", it can be interpreted that you are referring to a real person or life itself.
The diverse use of imageries used in this poem which makes it all the more powerful.
"My fingers feel for
my lips. Reality:"
My favourite lines in this poem as the personna finally "woke up" to his current situation and realized that there is no love. The lips is the part of the body that receives the ultimate symbol of love: a kiss. Thus the personna can detect the absence of love by feeling his lips which have not received any.
A well written poem in my opinion.
Thanks for all the comments - they are much appreciated!
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