first to be shot

Okay melodrama aside. Maybe the problem does not lie in my fate. No. That, I believe I can survive. It may not be what I'm best at, or even mildly good at. But it's okay. For what it is, I am not actually so afraid. What I really dread is all the attention that it will drag along. I can already see their faces, their disgusting looks of surprise - the partial disbelief and the sweeping laughter; the bemused grins they will wear, with eyes widened and pupils slightly dilated as they play and replay and replay the bad joke in their heads... And the prodding. The mindless, nagging insect taps down my neck looking for something else to laugh at, because the first joke was so blisteringly hilarious, there had to be another. Maybe living through this once might be okay. But, one, two, three, four and the numbers start spilling out of control and I have to sit through the bad sitcom repeats that play all afternoon. All afternoon long...